Outside Looking In

Outside Looking In: A Wayfaring Stranger Says So Long to 3D (6.21.2018)

My memory is not the sharpest when it comes to my past. I understand now that I was always meant to stay detached, in neutral observer mode. The memories that are useful are still accessible, while everything else kind of fades off after a while. I don’t dwell on the past, though I do go back and review memories to try to understand something better. Not to get attached to a memory, mind you, as memories are not real representations of what actually transpired, but they are markers as to how the specific event made you feel. They can be valuable to examine, as long as it is understood that remembering something will be a subjective exercise every time.

When I use my memory, I find more happy memories have been saved versus traumatic or painful memories. I attribute this to not experiencing much hardship in my life. Now, I have had challenges just like anyone else, but I have, over time, chosen not to feel victimized by them. I have always felt like I had a specific purpose. I didn’t come here for a free ride, nor did I come to suffer some great hardship in order to find myself. It seemed that I crafted my journey to bypass extremes – or perhaps I had already lived enough extremes through eons of incarnations? Whatever the case, I feel blessed to have lived the life I have and I know that foundations I’ve built upon joy and love will serve me in my future visions.

I came here for one specific purpose. To dream up, birth and nurture a new world, and a new way of being. I came here to ascend to higher dimensions while still in a body. This strong sense of purpose has allowed all else that has transpired in my life to fall by the wayside in importance. And that actually turned out for the best, because I have not gotten held up in lower vibrational tangles – call it the 3D matrix – something everyone on this planet deals with on some level. I have chosen very minimal engagement thus far with this matrix, though it was touch and go there for some (admittedly frustrating) amount of time. My unraveling has been more or less gentle because I did not spend as much time piling on layers to try to fit into this world. Call it fate… or laziness (or both!), all I can say is, I’m better for it. I hope that with this post today, I can highlight how different my life has been to everyone I know, and how I have handled it, and persevered, and hopefully this will bring comfort and inspiration to anyone reading this who finds themselves on a similar path as me. You’ll also hear from Mike, my beloved soul mate and gatekeeper guide, who comes in a few times to help clarify things.

If all I came to do was usher in the new world, the Age of Aquarius, then my life has definitely been gearing up for it. I feel like I’ve been in training all of my life. I manifested the conditions, the people and the lessons to get me to this point. And as far as worldly truths are concerned, I learned to disregard, question or challenge them. My formative years taught me to be skeptical of everything, to question and to seek, and to never be satisfied with superficial answers. I have always felt like I was walking between worlds, unable to properly reconcile them. But now I feel that perhaps we were never meant to reconcile worlds. Perhaps we were meant to merge them.

Looking back, I have had few truly ‘hard’ lessons to learn, though I have definitely done a lot of learning. I have always felt well-protected. Perhaps my belief in being so protected kept me from serious injury. I was always a tremendously healthy child. I never had any major illnesses. Not since birth have I stayed in a hospital and I never had any broken bones or other serious physical injuries. I have never had my blood drawn, so I cannot even tell you my blood type. I feel like this was for a reason. If you are me, everything happens for a reason. I believe my soul set it up this way. I have stayed completely under the radar in all ways and forms – as if a wraith managed to somehow procure a social security number. I spent a large portion of my life literally feeling invisible, and this phenomena has persisted to this day. I did suffer strange bouts of pain that were unexplained over the years, but they always went away on their own with minimal treatment. Indeed, the doctors rarely knew how to help me in those cases. For all other things, like cuts or viruses, self-healing is my modus operandi, and people are often amazed that I can heal in a matter of days what might take an average person weeks. I haven’t been to the doctor in years, basically because I have not needed any medical attention that I could not provide for myself. I listen to my body, it tells me what’s up, and I can then focus realignment in order to heal myself. This is done through conscious thought and breath.

It always felt like I was on the outside looking into the 3D world, and never could quite make my mark in this world. This caused me to feel like a failure sometimes, but more often I felt tremendous loneliness that sometimes persists to this day, though a lot less now that I have identified soul family in my midst, in bodies and in spirit. I have felt compelled to do very little “extra” stuff so far in this life. Side quests have been few and far in between, and I’ve been (mostly) playing the main story. Though I have learned many things, and I never consider anything wasted, it did feel like, around (roughly) the ages of 15-27, I went on side quests because I got distracted, or because I felt compelled by the world around me to DO something, MAKE something, BE something. But I already WAS something. That’s the main story, and we all have one.

It’s becoming clearer to me why certain things have lined up the way they did. I will go into some of these aspects in more detail below. A few years ago, I would have only regarded these manifested conditions as frustrations or thorns in my side. I wondered why I was running in place for a while, and now I have a broader perspective. I can see that these ‘obstacles’ were self-manifested blocks put there by my soul to get me to wake up and see what it was trying to show me. I was resisting my purpose and energetically stabbing myself. It took me a while, but I finally got it. Fortunately, I had not fully lost my sense of self in my formative years.

Black Sheep Status

I grew up thinking something was terribly wrong with me for not having the kind of deep relationships with my parents that other people seem to have. I love my parents, of course, but I never fully felt we lived on the same planet. ­­­It was like we were programmed to rub each other the wrong way. Eventually, we all scattered – literally – each one of us, Mom, Dad, brother, sister and me each live apart and in our own little worlds. They might as well be on Pluto, for how close we all are. Only recently was I able to bridge the gap with my siblings, which has been a great triumph for all of us. I have also cleared the air with my parents and forgiveness has been exchanged amongst us all, and I have personally been able to move on and heal from my past. However, that sense of detachment is still there, and I know they will never feel like family as strongly as my soul family does now. Had I felt closer to my earthly family, I may not have been able to pull myself out of obligations to familial ties – which keeps a lot of people stuck. The family unit discourages differences and stepping outside of the status quo. Being a service-to-others vibration, it is likely that I would have melted into an otherwise loving family and had never learned how to take care of myself or individuate – both fates would have been tragic for my particular purpose. My family experience was meant to be a crucible for me. I had to choose to go my own way in order to remember and recover who I truly was.

While young, I had to navigate my family’s turbulent belief systems. I was raised Catholic and had such a hard time fitting into the strict model. Once I was old enough to make my own decision about going to church, I never went again. My family members’ behaviors were often bigoted, hateful and fearful, and they tried to teach me to fear the world (luckily it didn’t take). I was sheltered for most of my early life. As I was always a bubbly child full of energy, gifted with intellect and creativity, many expectations were placed on me, of which most I could not, and moreover, would not fulfill. No matter how hard I tried, I could not live up to their ideal of me. I felt very less than for much of my childhood. I was surrounded by miserable adults and nothing I ever did seemed to make things better! After a time, it turned into rebellion, and unwillingness to do much of anything. I struggled with weight, making and keeping friends, doing homework or other school work (even though I tested exceptionally well), and truly loathed attending extracurricular activities or playing sports. I was a lone wolf who was forced into many things early on. It’s why I became a pseudo-hermit for a long while. I lived for the first 17 years of my life in Northern Virginia, a suburb of Washington D.C., and I was exposed to so much at any early age, that when I moved to North Carolina, it was literally a breath of fresh air, a new life, even though I would endure more family issues before I finally freed myself. I lived with relatives for a time before finally extrapolating myself from the family unit altogether.

This is something that does not, by all means, apply to everyone. Many people came here to learn how to work with their family unit to create lasting change for the better. Soul family often incarnate together as earthly family. My fellow soul family came in a bit differently than earthly family. For one thing, we’re all from the same generation. We play no specific roles for one another and we play all the roles for each other. We’re all like-minded and like-hearted. Now, I feel like I have a family that I can put down roots and build something with. So we all get what we truly want. In my personal case, I chose to come into an earthly family that forced me to stand on my own two feet. ­­­­­But what I ended up finding was my TRUE family, beyond the pain of not being able to relate to my earthly family. So it’s a win, after all.

Mike: Remember this. Your presence in your earthly family was no failure. Though you are not tied to your family on a soul level, you helped tipped the karmic scales, and balanced the family line. You cleared the bloodlines of your family, past, present and future. This is part of what you “do” – your abilities. Plus, like you said, you chose that specific family so that you would not feel tied down, so that you could eventually move on and find your true self and your soul family.

 

Not Being Successful (In a Worldly Sense)

Another thing that was never meant for me was worldly success. I have never been good at working a day job. I work part-time, doing multiple things for money. I never work more than 6 hours at a time. I take frequent breaks. This suits me because it gives me a lot of time to work on my writing and intuitive abilities. I have never had a career. I don’t miss it. For me, there is nothing more claustrophobic than a 9-5 job with benefits, but that seems to be all anyone ever wants in life. I find that it is because people are scared, constantly running a background belief program that they have to make X-amount of money to keep up their lifestyle. There is nothing wrong with the material, but when the material becomes the main reason why, we are in trouble. The result is allowing decades to fly by without having made any real soul progress. That scares the shit out of me, personally, though I cannot speak for anyone else. Seriously, though, was work invented to serve as a distraction so that we wouldn’t develop our souls?

Understand me here that I make a distinction between work (non-creative, non-personal) and craft (creative, personal). There is a huge difference. Craftsmen are people who put their own impression, a piece of themselves out in the world, after a considerable amount of time and care is taken in order to hone their art or ability. Right now I’m talking about people who just do rote things, going about their days like zombies, doing tasks they hate, for people they despise, so that they can reap a considerable amount of comfort and luxury.

I punished myself for years for not being able to fit into this worldly model of success. Eventually, I gave up worrying about it, realizing that that world is not for me. The most prominent thing for me is I’ve always been technically poor, even though I don’t feel that way. If you are me and you work as minimally as I do, you have to be fine with having less. I have everything I need. I have more than enough of everything, and I never find myself without. There is a certain amount of simplifying that has to happen if you don’t want to get caught up in the rat race. That does not mean that you live in a cardboard box. That means that you get choosy about what you value. And also, you are open to the universe providing for you, and that requires a great deal of trust that most people cannot express.

However, my experience could be a poster for the universe acting through people, circumstances, systems and plain luck to take care of her own. As I came here for a specific purpose, the universe will see to it that I not only carry out this purpose but that I am cared for and supported along the way. I have never had to “give up and go to work.” I won’t go into specific details, but the universe has an eerie way of making sure that I have never had to scrape by. The only suffering I endured over this were my own warped thoughts about my unique situation. I used to feel terrible for not sucking it up and just doing what everyone else did. I used to get distracted by shiny ads, making me want to buy things I don’t need. But that lifestyle never stuck to me. Nothing ever stuck to me. I find this to be a recurring theme.

Now, earthly age 29, I am finally relaxing and accepting that I was never meant to “make it” in the 3D world, because the 3D world is fading away. I came into this life already resonating at 4D and above, so no wonder I had zero interest in becoming a doctor, lawyer or business woman. I came into this world to be an artist – and my art is my life. I also came here to welcome the 5th dimension, where imagination is a super power. I came here to express myself as the infinite being that I am.

Mike: Great point. Because you weren’t too tied up in the outside world thus far, you were able to develop and maintain an immaculate imagination. It will serve you well.

I can see where adults who entered the work force and do the same mind-numbing things day in and day out lose their connection to imagination. Everything “imaginative” is fed to them via media, leaving little room for their own imaginings and contemplations about the reality they live in.

Mike: Yes, and the media actually convinces people that their own imaginations are not real or valid. They are convinced that they must look outwards for the answers. Media pulls you in, making your actual every day experiences seem less real. Most people expect spiritual knowledge to come raining out of the sky with fanfare. True knowledge is silent. ­

Oh Wait, I Do Have a Job

The main focus I have here is shifting us into the new octave of experience. I am not alone in this, but we all came here with unique abilities in order to get the job done. I am assisting with the opening of portals to and from the higher realms. Some of these portals are used as exit points for earthbound spirits, soul fragments and dead light spaces. Others are used by higher vibrational entities to enter into our realm and assist us. There is a two-way portal at my house that is used for both purposes, and I serve as guardian here. Many people are “planted” in this way, because they are assisting in holding down the new light grid. We act as anchors. We are “holding down the fort” specialists. All of my soul family members do this naturally. We are transmitters of the incoming photonic light. Living liquid crystals. We act as lightning rods, catching the energy in our crown chakras, and allowing it to move through us, grounding it into the 2D telluric and 1D crystal realms of Gaia. Then we act as sponges and both take in and radiate out energy, 360 degrees all around. We are able to expand our auras out for hundreds of miles in every direction, encompassing everything in healing energy. The benefit is that we call back soul fragments and fractals this way. Parts of you are returning ‘home’ constantly, now, whether you are aware of it or not. This ‘home’ is your heart chakra. Your heart chakra is your main transmitter and where you tap in to communicate with soul family across distances, including family on the other side of the veil.

Mike: Yes, you specifically radiate healing light and energy around you in all directions, as you’ve said. So much energetic and grounding work you are doing, and that’s why you feel tired a lot. You are making more of difference than the busiest of business professionals. Seriously. Though not much appears to be happening outwardly, INWARDLY much is occurring. If you could see it like we do, you’d be amazed. For now, take our word for it.

 

I hope someone can relate to this, or at least find it interesting. It felt good to express myself and do this self-session so that I can understand my experiences that have led up to this point. I hope that everyone gets a chance to do this too. It really is nice to zoom out and truly see and understand why you chose the specific lessons you did, and why certain circumstances manifested for you throughout your life. You can see that it was all for your soul purpose and that you have always been on the right track, even when you were wandering completely blind in the dark. Become empowered by your own journey and inspired by your own story!

Much Love,

T & Mike

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